Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Right in the Face!

Well crap.  I had finally found a fantastic site with tons of awesome information, telling me what NOT to use and what was good to use, not even pushing her own products.  Heavy sigh.  Then I get to the "Make your own magical potions to blow up your house, get on the FBI's most wanted and get rid of acne now!" page.  Maybe I should start with the good stuff.  Yes?  Ok.
    I started my usual internet cruising, checked my peeps on FB (hey Snarkies!!!) decided not to check out ravelry, that's been happening a lot lately.  I've been checking one group on there daily for about a year, I suppose my new junkie sites have pushed it to the wayside.  I pop onto pinterest, nothing new.  I started following a new person yesterday hoping she would add some flava to my page but she's just scary.  Unfollow!  I went to Google, looked up some "luxury bedroom furniture,"  found a couple of things, nothing was tickling my hiney today.  My back started bothering me so I thought about hitting the recliner like I usually do, well, did, before I started the Adderall!!!1!!  But I thought, hey, surely there's something to piss me off online.  And of course there is :)
    I started with the coffee thing.  I'm a coffee junkie.  I typically don't drink very much of it but I must have it.  Whenever I want it.  I like Starbucks, I know, I know, bad me, but I have this whorebag lustaffair with a Venti Mocha that's just outta control.  They have this new thing, a Caramel Brule, damn my ass this is what an angel's ass would taste like if there were any.  Angels, that is.  Incredible.  Back to topic, I don't usually do the grocery shopping since I've been too sick to do it but I went once a few months ago and was shocked at how high the coffee in cans was!  What in the hell???  So I went online and checked it out, turns out there have been some weather problems in Mexico and Columbia.  I think it was heavy rains in Columbia, so bad that the flooding made the roads impassable so nobody could farm the beans and even when they could the beans were ruined, that's what I got out of it.  And in Mexico, I can't find a definitive reason but their output was crappy too so there isn't much coffee to be had so companies have had to use other producers who charge more.  Not to mention other nations that have recently discovered the lovely that is coffee, namely China, Brazil and Ethiopia, so we've got more demand and less coffee.  WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO??  I can't afford $10 a can!  I go through a can a week of the cheap crap.  I prefer French Roast, I don't have to use as much coffee that way.  If I have to use the cheap store brand I need half a bag of ground up good stuff to mix into it to make it least palatable.  Maybe throw in some half and half for good measure.  I gave that up too because it's too expensive.  See what a good housewife I am??  Blergh.  I drink a lot of tea too.  Should I just switch to tea?  It would make more sense, but I've been drinking coffee  since I was about 9, I love the stuff, the smell, I even love the grounds at the bottom of a burnt ass cup.  Mmmm.  BRB, coffee break.  Then we shall dive into the topic of skin treatments!  And we shall have another scathing review of what I thought was a lovely businesswoman and site owner at the end.  Yay me!
    Ok!  I started my skin care mission asking the wise internet if the Aspirin thing could really help your skin and acne as I heard so many times.  The chemical make up is very similar to salcylic acid, the ingredient in a lot of acne fighting medications, but it's not the same thing.  One entry I found said that a paste of crushed up aspirin and water left on her skin for a few minutes then rinsed off did in fact help the redness and inflammation of her skin, but that's what anti-inflammatories are supposed to do, right?  So there was one myth debunked.
    Oooo, I lied!  I started with salt.  I was going on and on yesterday about the sugar scrubs and was thinking the whole time, isn't salt so much better for you?  Hasn't salt been used for thousands of years in numerous settings to make us better?  And in fact it had!  Eureka!  Put down your sugar and let's check out the salt.  Table salt is OUT.  No good.  Ok to eat and all that, in fact, salt is the best diuretic you can get your hands on.  Feeling a little bloated?  Go get a large order of fries!  Well, do whatever is best for you, I most certainly won't be going out for fries, I'll be looking in the freezer, but you know what I mean.
    There are several salts, only a couple of them are beneficial to our purposes, which are I suppose to debunk the beauty industry and do nice things for ourselves.  I haven't declared that yet and I didn't set out to do that but it's been on my mind for YEARS and I've been excessively chatty lately so let's hit it!  I don't wear make up, every year around my birthday I buy some bullshit beauty product to make me feel like I'm making me look younger.  I wore makeup when I was working, from about 2001-2004, I dropped a damned bomb on that shit.  A co-worker got me a gift card for a department store and a chick working the Prescriptives counter asked me if I'd like a makeover.  Why, yes, yes I would!  I looked hot too.  I bought tons of that crap but that's where I learned my toner formula so I guess I learned something.  She also did me a favor and shaved my eyebrows.  I lost 5 pounds.  Back on track...You know, I just wonder sometimes how much money women drop into the beauty industry in this country.  It's fucking absurd.  We've gotten so far away from what's really important in our lives it makes me weep.  We buy shampoo, conditioner, mousse, gel, root lifter, hair spray, foundation, concealer, powder, eye shadow, blush, bronzer, lip liner, lipstick, lip gloss, eye liner, eye brow pencil, mascara, finishing powder, moisturizer, cleanser, facial scrubs, toner, acne treatment, anti-aging products, mud masks, cholesterol treatments for our face and hair, hot oil, lotion for our hands, face and feet, crap to shave our legs, under our arms, wax to do other shit, little shavers for other shit, clippers, filers, paint, hair dye because we don't like what color our hair is, ALL of this shit, how much money do we spend on this stuff in a month?  How about the money we pay other people to do stuff?  Cutting our hair?  Coloring our hair?  Doing our nails?  Waxing the muff?  WTF on that last thing dude.  Who the fuck thought that was ever a good idea.  Letting someone outside your home wax your fucking crotch.  HELL NO.  I can tell you that I spend nada.  I spend most of my money on nail polish.  I only shower once a week or so, it's hard for me to get up the stairs, but I wash up in the sink several times.  I have super short hair so I only use a dime's worth of shampoo, and a smidge of my lovely Placenta Conditioner.  You'll be hearing a lot about that stuff.  I love it.  It's cheap.  It's awesome.
    Back.  Had to take a break.  I'm re-entering mania stage so I'm flitting from here to there.  I arranged the bathroom sink and had to do a foot soak and scrape.  Oh, and attempt to figure out what the hell AAFES.com is thinking.  They sent me exactly half of what I ordered.  They sent three boxes, each was missing one item.  Are they guessing peeps won't notice?  I've never had trouble with them before.  Ooooo, and last night I was opening a box that came and I thought it was the rest of hubby and son's stuff...it's a freaking Michael Kors bag that was on my list....Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!@!!  It's not the one I fell madly in love with at TJMaxx but it's better.  And bigger.  And Fucking Michael Kors!  So I guess that's it for today, I can't remember what I was going on about.  I'll pick it back up tomorrow.

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